How to get out of the Friendzone

You should watch this really awesome short film about a boy who is deeply in love with his best friend, but he’s just too shy to tell her about it. Most guys will know exactly how it feels to be in a situation like this. It all starts as a friendship, until one or ideally both start to get feelings for each other. Unfortunately in most cases it stays this way and the friendship will never deveope into a relationship. I’m here to help and show you how to transition from being her best-friend into becoming her boyfriend.

1. More than Friends?

There is this one girl that you really like, maybe you have the same circle of friends or you go to the same school. The more you get to know each other, the more you seem to be compatible, have the same interests and like each other. It’s so nice talking to her, she’s different from your guy friends, she laughs so cute at your jokes and you’re staying awake at night to text with her. She trusts you, that’s why she tells you nearly everything that’s on her mind and you listen closely to it, cause you care about her. Sounds like from a romantic novel, but something is missing: You don’t kiss her, maybe you cuddle a little bit but everything beyond that is a non-verbal taboo, at least you think that. You are too scared to try it out, because the uncertainty that you might loose her is holding you back.

Relationship = Friendship + Sex + EA + V (explained below)

At first it doesn’t bother you that much, because you already enjoy the time with her. You feel that there is more, she’s not just a friend, she’s even more than your best friend, you think way to much about her and you start to feel butterflies when you see her. Maybe that was clear to you since the first day, maybe you still don’t want to be honest to yourself, because you fear that it’s not right… but you got a crush on her! The moment when this gets totally clear was when she starts talking about this guy that is hitting on her, your alarm clocks start to ring and when she told you he’s kind of cute, you get this sick feeling in your stomach, cause your jealous about him. Why is he cute? Your so nice to her, your the perfect boyfriend for her! Why doesn’t she see that?

2. Friendship to Relationship

A great friendship and a relationship are so close together and still sometimes so far away. It’s proven that the most stable relationships have either started as a friendship or a friendship started within the relationship. To perform a great transition, we need to find out what exactly is missing in a friendship to call it relationship:

True Friendship:

  • You trust each other, tell secrets, talk about everything
  • You love to communicate faithfully with each other
  • You respect each other, value their opinion
  • You have similar interests
  • You are accepting each other’s flaws
  • You stick together through the good and bad times

Most of the values which make a relationship stable and healthy are already included in a friendship. Having a girlfriend, who was your best friend before is a very good sign that the relationship will last a long time. Let’s have a closer look. These are all things which create a emotional intimacy, but what’s missing to call her your girlfriend is the physical intimacy. To make that happen you need to feel physical attraction for each other. Physical attraction, especially for us men, is mostly triggered trough an attractive, cultivated, physical appearance. For women it’s a little more complex.

What does + EA mean?

If two people are physical attracted and have emotional intimacy it’s more than enough to have sex and a relationship. But what about “Friends with Benefits”? Why are they not in a relationship, what is missing there? They got both of it, but something is still missing. If you watched the movies “No Strings Attached” and “Friends with Benefits” carefully you noticed that something between them changed. From the beginning when they were friends who have sex to the point when they noticed, it’s more than that, they need to be together.

It’s the emotional attraction! You can be emotional intimate and also physical attracted, but these butterflies in your stomach and the feeling that your in love comes from Emotional Attraction (EA).

What does + V mean?

It doesn’t happen often, but when i start analyzing a topic i need to make it complete. In some rare cases even if all of the above is given, physical, emotional attraction and intimacy, there is sometimes a reasons why people still can’t or won’t start a relationship. This counts mostly for people between 18 and 30, who have a lot of options and at the same time are old enough to know their own values. Teenagers under 18 often don’t really know what’s important for them in a relationship. They start a relationship just by listening to their emotions instead of their rational mind. At the age of 18 many have gained some relationship experience and saw how different it can be with each partner. They learned the importance of values. However I said until 30 because at that age most people realize that there is no perfect partner, everyone has their flaws. So the time between 18 and 30 is where girls are searching for Mr. Right.

Even if they have strong feelings, some woman are still partly rational guided and some of their important values (V) will prevent them from being in a relationship with a certain men. To make some examples of values that could prevent her from being in a relationship:

  • she has different cultural background
  • she is very close to her parents who want someone else
  • she wants to have kids as soon as possible and at least four
  • she wants a guy who has a higher financial income
  • she wants a guy who has a better education than herself
  • she has slept with too many guys and you want a virgin as girlfriend
  • she wants to stay in her home town and live in her parents house
  • You want to travel the world and maybe live in another country

It’s much better to have mostly the same values about relationship, because if it’s an important value, even if you or her feelings convince her, it will stay as a thorn in her flesh and cause trouble in rough times. I always wanted a virgin as girlfriend, it was an important value for me, but my first one had 5 ex-boyfriends. When we started to see each other and she told me about it, I was sure to never end up in a relationship with her. Over the next weeks i was more and more attracted until I finally asked her to be my girlfriend. First it went well, but after the next months, when the first butterflies were gone I noticed that I couldn’t love her the way I should. There was something why I couldn’t respect and value her as much as I should. It was my value, the fact that she had more sexual partners than me and she couldn’t do anything about that.

3. Escaping Friendzone

Now you know the differences and what’s missing between you and your best friend, to call her your girlfriend. To make it easier for you, i created a step by step guide to make her your girlfriend:

Read: => How to Escape the Friendzone

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