This is a summary of all the ways that a man has, to get in touch with a woman. To make it clearer, I divided them into three essential categories. Each has it’s positive and negative aspects, which means there is not one perfect way. This comparison should help you to find out which of these ways could be your personal favorite to find your next girlfriend.
1. Your Social Circle
The traditional way how to find a girlfriend is your social circle. I guess you still remember the first crush you had with that cute girl in your high school. Even though she didn’t reciprocate your feelings, it’s still a great memory. Your social circles are your friends and the people you see frequently, in your school, college or workplace. There is always at least one girl that you wish to have as a girlfriend, but you are unsure if she feels the same. Therefore, you never made that step and are still keeping your secret to yourself with the hope that some day the right moment comes. You are scared of getting rejected because the chance is high that you are either in her friend-zone or she sees you as just a colleague without any romantic interest.
[thumbsup] The advantage of the social circle is that you have more than enough time to make a positive impression on the girl you are interested in. There is no need to rush, every situation that you see her is another chance to show her what a great guy you are and maybe someday she will realize that you’d be the ideal boyfriend for her.
[thumbsdown] It’s not that easy. It’s stressful always to show off your best side. The progress is very slow, and you don’t even know if she is really interested.
[thumbsdown] It’s hard to differentiate between attraction and affection, which most guys tend to misinterpret. Affection means that she just likes you, like a brother or her dog. In order to see you in a romantic way, she needs to feel attraction.
[thumbsdown] Unfortunately attraction is something that girls only feel for guys that have a higher social status. If you take a deeper look into your social circle, you will notice who those guys are.
[thumbsdown] If you’re not one of these guys, it will be very hard to change that. In every social circle, there is a hierarchy that is pretty established. To keep their position, each member will hinder you from rising.
[thumbsdown] It will be very painful to overcome a rejection, if you finally make the step and tell her what you feel. Every time you see her again, this embarrassing feeling and a lot of awkward situations will come along.
[thumbsdown] Let’s say you’ve managed to get a girlfriend in your social circle. The average breakup rate for a relationship is more than 80%. Either one of you has to leave the circle, or it will be very uncomfortable to see your ex every time. Especially when she starts to date another guy. In the worst case, he is also from your social circle.
Conclusion: I don’t recommend it, the choice is very limited, the effort is high and the downsides out-weight the benefits.
2. Cold Approach
This means that you approach and introduce yourself to a total stranger. Originally this became famous through the bar and nightclub scene, where alcohol makes it easier to overcome the approach anxiety. Most women don’t know how hard it is for a guy to just go up to her and introduce yourself. It sounds easy, but everyone who has been in this situation knows that it takes a lot of courage. One of the reasons is the fear of being embarrassed by a rejection, in front of everyone. There are two ways to find a girlfriend with a cold approach, let’s start with the most common one:
2.1. The Nightlife
Since our teenage years we are using parties to meet girls that we normally don’t speak to. It started with birthday parties, then high school and college parties and later it’s the nightlife. This includes all kinds of places where you can find single girls at night, like bars and nightclubs. The main purpose of these establishments is to give people a place to socialize. However in our digital era we didn’t grow up with a lot of social skills, so we need an environment that makes it easier for us.
[thumbsup] Loud music should create an atmosphere where the silence in our superficial conversations is less awkward. Dimmed lights produce a warm ambiance and cover our flaws and give us more confidence. The dance-floor gives potential mates the opportunity to have physical contact in a playful way. Alcohol should help us to forget our problems, anxieties, responsibilities and destroys the invisible wall between us which makes it easier to connect with other humans.
[thumbsup] You will find a huge number of single girls, in their best age who are ready to have a good time. Around midnight they will be already warmed up, a little drunk and trough the environment, sexually aroused and ready to be seduced.
[thumbsup] It can be fun, if you like the music, came with the right people and it’s not overcrowded. So when you go home with empty hands, you still had a great night.
[thumbsdown] All points that I just mentioned are also used by her as an excuse to “have fun” and enjoy herself. The next morning these excuses are gone and so should you. The chance that she regrets her actions is pretty high. No girl wants to be seen as easy, but sometimes things happen too quickly. Her fear is big that if she ends in a relationship with you, she can’t be this innocent little girl that you care for.
[thumbsdown] There are also a lot of negative aspects of the nightlife, which often make it hard to even talk to a girl. Most clubs are overcrowded, too loud and hectic to have a normal conversation. Drunken girls who act like kids and the not so attractive, envious friends who try to cock-block you, are making it even worse.
[thumbsdown] She looks much better than in day-light. Lots of makeup, dimmed light and sexy outfits give a false impression of her real beauty.
[thumbsdown] It’s weird to go out alone. You need friends with the same taste in music to go there. If you are not a student, there are only Saturdays and maybe Fridays to improve your social skills in the nightlife environment.
[thumbsdown] Girls are much more arrogant than in real life situations. She gets hit on all the time; every guy looks at her like a juicy piece of meat, so she starts to build a shield of arrogance. High heels and the fact that she looks better than every other day of the week makes her feel above everyone else.
Conclusion: The nightlife is the ideal place for young, extroverted, high-energy guys, who want to get drunk and just have fun. But if you are looking for a girlfriend, this is the wrong place. The effort of getting ready, driving there, paying for the taxi, entrance, drinks and all the time that it takes is not worth it.
2.2. During the Daytime
About ten years ago more and more guys started to approach women during the daytime. This can be done anywhere, in coffee shops, grocery stores, malls, parks, bus, train, street… The way you approach is very different from the other types; it has some big benefits, but also downsides.
[thumbsup] Girls don’t get approached during the day very often, it’s much more popular than it was ten years ago, but it’s still something that only very few guys are doing. This means, first of all, unlike in bars and clubs, she doesn’t expect it. You will catch her off-guard, and this incident will last much longer in her memory than a bar-flirt.
[thumbsup] Having a conversation during the day feels incredibly real and honest.
[thumbsup] Biggest variety of girls because everyone has to leave the house sometimes. This means there is a good chance to meet a high-quality girl and you can see how pretty she looks in the daylight.
[thumbsdown] Takes a huge amount of confidence and commitment to every single approach. You’ll spend a lot of time practicing until you’re able to get a girlfriend.
[thumbsdown] You’ll need good weather, a big city and a lot of time until you find potential mates.
[thumbsdown] Many girls are in a rush because they have limited time. The shops are closing, and you are standing between them and their haul. It feels kind of wrong to approach random girls because it’s something we aren’t used to doing and we also don’t see other people doing it.
[thumbsdown] Leaving a lasting impression also has its downsides. Rejections are part of the game, and those girls will keep this incident in their head for a long time. When I accompany a friend of mine, who does this regularly, there are at least two in ten girls who say something like “that guy approached me too” when they see him talking to a new girl. We are living in a city with a few million inhabitants, now imagine doing this in a small town.
[thumbsdown] Rejections feel more real and honest too. You will act weird in the begging, and a lot of girls who aren’t used to this type of approach will also act very weird. Getting rejected in the daytime can sometimes feel brutal, and you need a good backbone that you don’t take it personally.
Conclusion: Daygame is still one of the best ways to find a girlfriend, but it takes a lot of balls and practice. If this is the way you prefer, you have to see it as a long-time goal and bring a lot of motivation. I recommend you to practice in other areas until you gained enough experience and social skills.
3. Online Dating
Around the year 2000, online dating revolutionized the way people meet their partner. What first was known as a place for desperate singles has slowly become more and more popular. The idea of finding single women without a lot of effort seems to be exactly what most people were looking for. No matter if it’s a dating site or app like Tinder, online dating has some significant benefits when it comes to finding a girlfriend.
[thumbsup] It’s comfortable. You don’t even have to leave the house until she agrees to date you. You can do it while you relax on your couch, lay in your bed or sit on the toilet. It doesn’t matter where you are, when you do it or how you look.
[thumbsup] It’s fast. You can find nearly endless single girls in a short amount of time. Within an hour, you can theoretically copy and paste your message to a hundred girls just by clicking a few buttons.
[thumbsup] It’s easy. The perfect way to gain experience in dealing with attractive women. Especially for beginners and introvert guys and those, who have approach anxiety or don’t want to deal with the pain of rejection.
[thumbsup] You can become good very quickly. When you approach a girl in the offline world, you need to have a good body-language, voice tonality, eye contact, fashion sense, conversation skills and so on. In the online world, all you need to have are excellent photos and texting skills. These can be learned in just a few hours.
3.1. Dating Sites
[thumbsup] There are all kinds of online sites with a lot of filters so you can search exactly what you are looking for. However that doesn’t mean you will find it.
[thumbsdown] It’s a common practice of dating sites, that they fill their database with fake female profiles, to attract more guys to become a paying customer. When one of the popular sites, AshleyMadison got hacked, the database was a proof that nearly all female profiles were fake or inactive.
[thumbsdown] Less attractive women. Why should a beautiful woman join a dating site and even pay for it? It just doesn’t make sense, when there are so many other ways where she will be approached.
[thumbsdown] There is a cliche about online dating sites, that most members are desperate and lonely.
Conclusion: It may be great to find women over 30, but if you are looking for attractive girls below 30, dating sites are not the right place.
Tinder has all the benefits of online dating without the downsides. The combination of a huge variety of young people and a super simple interface helped Tinder to reach the mainstream and match more people than anything else before.
[thumbsup] Girls on Tinder are much better looking than on typical dating sites. You’ll even find more hotties in half an hour on Tinder than in most nightclubs.
[thumbsup] All kinds of people are using it, even some celebrities have confirmed to use it. This gives you a great variety of many different types of women.
[thumbsup] Quick results, you instantly see who likes you back. Most girls reply immediately so you can have a real-time chat like you would in WhatsApp if you got her number the normal way.
[thumbsup] No more pain of rejections. At least you won’t notice them because you’ll never know if she even saw your profile. If she unmatches you during a conversation, she’ll be gone without notice, and you probably won’t realize it, because there are enough other girls to chat with.
[thumbsup] Girls love attention, the ego-boost is a powerful feeling, which makes them addicted to Tinder and keeps the male to the female ratio around 50:50.
[thumbsdown] The problem is that guys swipe right much more often than girls. This gives girls a much greater choice. You have to stand out to get a beautiful girlfriend.
[thumbsdown] It’s very hard to catch and keep their attention, especially when they are good looking.
Conclusion: Tinder is a promising and fast way how to find a girlfriend. However, since everyone is using it, you have to stand out in order to break out of the mass.
How to find a Girlfriend on Tinder in 3 Steps
[DropCaps letter=”1″] Attracting Girlfriend-Material. The way you present yourself in your photos is responsible for the type of girls you are going to attract. Women on tinder use to think that every guy just wants a quick hookup. However you’re different, you want more than that, which gives you a great advantage with these girls. Make sure she notices it by setting up your profile in a way that shows her, that you’re looking for something serious.
[DropCaps letter=”2″] Filtering Quality Girls. When you start getting matches, it’s time to filter out all the girls who are just wasting your time. Unfortunately, there are a lot of attention-seekers in tinder, these are using the male attention to feel better and more confident about themselves. Most likely they are not really interested in meeting up and dating someone, which is good, because you don’t want such a girlfriend anyway.
[DropCaps letter=”3″] Getting her on a Date. Once you optimize your profile, you will get matches on auto-pilot. The only thing you have to worry about is, how you transition these matches into dates. It’s exhausting to be creative and come up with interesting opening lines just to get their attention. Most girls also expect you to start and keep the conversation going. Personally, I’m too lazy for that, that’s why I tried out all kinds of lines and conversation tricks and write down the ones that worked best. Now all I need to do is copy & paste them and within a few minutes, I got her number to set up a date.