How to start a Conversation on Tinder

After you got some matches it’s time to turn those into numbers, but first, you need to start a conversation.

When to write your first message

If you have a powerful bio, she might already write you first, which is a perfect way to start. But most of the time it’s you, who will start the conversation. It doesn’t matter how long you wait after the match, what’s important is the time of the day. You don’t want to write to her when she’s busy because her answers won’t get you far, and you will have to wait hours for her reply. It’s much harder to build a connection or chemistry if your interaction is constantly interrupted.

A recent study has analyzed at which time people are using several apps and how long they use them. The study is hard to read and the graphs are a little confusing but they show the time when people spend the most minutes on Tinder and you can see that the engagement between 6 PM and 12 PM is the highest with a peek at 9 PM.

It’s the time when most people come home from work and do something that they enjoy. She should be relaxed, in the right mood and ready to start a conversation. Another benefit is that she will be free to take your call afterward so that you can make a deeper connection and set up a date.

Avoid these Opening Lines!

“Hey, how are you?” That’s the line 90% of guys are using. Don’t use it, because she will think you are just another boring guy who isn’t creative or funny. The hottest girls are only on Tinder for entertainment but if a guy is interesting enough, she will meet him. You become this guy by using the following knowledge to your advantage to separate yourself from the crowd.

Funny Pick Up Lines. Some guys are a little smarter, they try to be funny by using pickup lines. Unfortunately, a lot of them are not funny at all, and if they are funny, she has probably heard it before. It might work, but to increase your overall success rate, you should avoid these too.

Dirty Pick Up Lines. A lot of guys have a false impression that Tinder is a Hookup App because it’s the easiest way to get a date. But the number of girls that just want to get laid isn’t as high as most people think. In reality, the majority of girls just want to have some dates and eventually find someone for a relationship. Of course, there are also girls who are just looking for fun, but you have to identify them. Girls who are looking for a relationship will instantly delete you because you make her feel like a slut by sending dirty messages up front. You have to decide between finding a girlfriend and getting laid because it’s a different game, where you also have to use the right photos and way of writing.

Long Texts. The worst way to open a girl on tinder is to copy and paste one of these long texts. She will definitely know that you are sending this to all girls. Even if she doesn’t notice it she will think that you are desperate and have too much time. Otherwise, you wouldn’t put so much effort into one match. A female blogger once wrote: “it seems kind of weird when a dude (I’ve rarely seen women do this) sends an enormous first message all about how he knows based on your profile photo that you’re totally his type and you two totally need to hang out together.”

Complimenting her looks. Don’t tell her how pretty she is. She knows it already because she has heard it a million times before. It’s a very fine line, and just a few men can compliment a woman, without losing attraction. Unfortunately, her appearance and maybe the bio is all you got because you don’t know her personality before the opener. If you want to write her a compliment, make it about her fashion sense, because then you are complimenting her taste, which is something that happens in her brain and is part of her personality.

How to create your own S.U.P.E.R. Opener

You can create your own openers or customize the ones that someone else has invented. The ones that work very well for me are at the end of this article. Here is some advice that you should keep in mind when you create your unique opening lines.

Short. Don’t write more than two sentences in your first message. Many guys are writing her, therefore girls on Tinder are lazy and have a short attention span. If your opening line is too long, she won’t read it. Also, remember what I mentioned above, you can increase your effort after she proves that she is worth it. For an attractive guy she is just another pretty face, so keep your value.

Unique. I made sure that the pickup lines, which I’m going to give you later on, are not popular yet. You don’t want to use a line that she has already read before. It won’t work, it’s lame, and she probably won’t answer, because she will feel like one of many. Give her the impression that you are creative and interested in her as a person. The easiest way to be unique is to be more personal.

Personal. Writing her name is one step in the right direction. Take a closer look at each of her photos, is there anything unusual or interesting? Bring up something about it. Try to guess what type of person she is and make statements about her. It doesn’t matter if you’re right, even if you’re completely wrong, it gives you something to continue the conversation with.

Entertaining. Girls just want to have fun. Be playful and funny, a laugh is always beneficial and makes it much easier to proceed. The hottest girls are not desperately searching for a boyfriend on Tinder. They use it for entertainment, it’s your job to keep them want more of you. Pro Tip: Make up a short story or a joke about her, but be careful it can easily backfire if she is sensitive and you cross her line.

Repeatable. You will open a lot of girls, so it’s important to make it time efficient. Focus on a few lines that not only work but are also easily adjustable. It will take some time to find your best opening lines, choose about five different ones and try each on at least ten girls. Afterward, compare the results and keep testing the best lines even more. Not every line will work on every girl the same way. Use softer openers for sweet innocent girls and be a little harder to very attractive and bitchy girls. Have a favorite line for each type of girl.

I named it S.U.P.E.R. Opener because if you read just the first letters, they will make the word “Super”. It will make it easier for you to remember.

Be aware of your own type, what works for one guy can come off a little awkward from another guy.

5 Example Lines

The following opening lines are a great way to start a conversation on tinder. I have tried over 100 pick up lines, which were recommended in some eBooks and articles. Some worked, but 90% did not, so I improved them and created my own ones. After weeks of testing, I present you 5 of the best tinder openers that work.

1. ”What Up Gangster?”

The standard line, instead of a simple “Hey what’s up?”. This get’s her to smile because she doesn’t hear it all the time. Works well with the sweet ones, they are used to be called cute, so they might ask you why you’re calling her a gangster. After that, you can use “How is thug life going?” instead of “How are you doing?” to sound wittier.

2. “Damn, I know you!”

She will either say “No, you don’t” or “Where do you know me from?”. In both situations, you can make up a funny little story. She will be amused and hopefully play along. Don’t try to make up a realistic story, it won’t work and she will think you’re weird. If she says “No, you don’t” you can also go a different way by framing it as if you meant that you know her type. Tell her something like “You’re the kind of girl that …”. It shows you have some experience with different types of girls, and she will be curious to know why you think this way about her.

3. “Good girls are asleep at this hour!”

Needless to say, you should only use this opener at night. Similar to the previous one, some will try to prove you that they are still good girls. Others will think it’s funny and remember the time when it was cool to be such a bad girl, who is awake so late. It’s easy to follow up with the reasons why both of you are still awake, or you can further talk about this good/bad girl topic. You can also use it perfectly to determine what type of girl she is. Her reaction will be a lot better to this funny vibe than if you boldly ask something like “Are you looking for sex or a relationship?”, no girl will give you an honest answer to this.

4. Does that mean we are boyfriend and girlfriend now?

Of course, she knows that you are not serious. That’s the key, you appear sweet and innocent to her consciousness but subconscious she knows that only someone who doesn’t care much would bring such a line. Having a (slightly) careless attitude is attractive because it’s something that all guys who have an abundance of women have in common. She will also let her guard down because you don’t seem like someone who is just looking to hookup.

5. What is a nice girl like you doing on tinder?

This line is a good mix between a compliment and a light accusation. Just the compliment would be boring, but in this context, it helps to gain her affection. She feels a little special because you sound surprised to see a girl that’s different than all the others. Now she is in the situation to explain herself, which increases the number of responses. She wants to confirm your assumption that she’s a nice girl, but at the same time, she can’t admit that she’s looking for a boyfriend because that would appear desperate. Chances are high that she comes up with an answer, that makes it easy to build a conversation upon.

These lines will help you to warm her up. It’s important that you don’t wait too long after that line, continue with the transition and start a conversation.

How to find a Girlfriend – 5 Best Places

This is a summary of all the ways that a man has, to get in touch with a woman. To make it clearer, I divided them into three essential categories. Each has it’s positive and negative aspects, which means there is not one perfect way. This comparison should help you to find out which of these ways could be your personal favorite to find your next girlfriend.

1. Your Social Circle

The traditional way how to find a girlfriend is your social circle. I guess you still remember the first crush you had with that cute girl in your high school. Even though she didn’t reciprocate your feelings, it’s still a great memory. Your social circles are your friends and the people you see frequently, in your school, college or workplace. There is always at least one girl that you wish to have as a girlfriend, but you are unsure if she feels the same. Therefore, you never made that step and are still keeping your secret to yourself with the hope that some day the right moment comes. You are scared of getting rejected because the chance is high that you are either in her friend-zone or she sees you as just a colleague without any romantic interest.

[thumbsup] The advantage of the social circle is that you have more than enough time to make a positive impression on the girl you are interested in. There is no need to rush, every situation that you see her is another chance to show her what a great guy you are and maybe someday she will realize that you’d be the ideal boyfriend for her.

[thumbsdown] It’s not that easy. It’s stressful always to show off your best side. The progress is very slow, and you don’t even know if she is really interested.

[thumbsdown] It’s hard to differentiate between attraction and affection, which most guys tend to misinterpret. Affection means that she just likes you, like a brother or her dog. In order to see you in a romantic way, she needs to feel attraction.

[thumbsdown] Unfortunately attraction is something that girls only feel for guys that have a higher social status. If you take a deeper look into your social circle, you will notice who those guys are.

[thumbsdown] If you’re not one of these guys, it will be very hard to change that. In every social circle, there is a hierarchy that is pretty established. To keep their position, each member will hinder you from rising.

[thumbsdown] It will be very painful to overcome a rejection, if you finally make the step and tell her what you feel. Every time you see her again, this embarrassing feeling and a lot of awkward situations will come along.

[thumbsdown] Let’s say you’ve managed to get a girlfriend in your social circle. The average breakup rate for a relationship is more than 80%. Either one of you has to leave the circle, or it will be very uncomfortable to see your ex every time. Especially when she starts to date another guy. In the worst case, he is also from your social circle.

Conclusion: I don’t recommend it, the choice is very limited, the effort is high and the downsides out-weight the benefits.

2. Cold Approach

This means that you approach and introduce yourself to a total stranger. Originally this became famous through the bar and nightclub scene, where alcohol makes it easier to overcome the approach anxiety. Most women don’t know how hard it is for a guy to just go up to her and introduce yourself. It sounds easy, but everyone who has been in this situation knows that it takes a lot of courage. One of the reasons is the fear of being embarrassed by a rejection, in front of everyone. There are two ways to find a girlfriend with a cold approach, let’s start with the most common one:

2.1. The Nightlife

Since our teenage years we are using parties to meet girls that we normally don’t speak to. It started with birthday parties, then high school and college parties and later it’s the nightlife. This includes all kinds of places where you can find single girls at night, like bars and nightclubs. The main purpose of these establishments is to give people a place to socialize. However in our digital era we didn’t grow up with a lot of social skills, so we need an environment that makes it easier for us.

[thumbsup] Loud music should create an atmosphere where the silence in our superficial conversations is less awkward. Dimmed lights produce a warm ambiance and cover our flaws and give us more confidence. The dance-floor gives potential mates the opportunity to have physical contact in a playful way. Alcohol should help us to forget our problems, anxieties, responsibilities and destroys the invisible wall between us which makes it easier to connect with other humans.

[thumbsup] You will find a huge number of single girls, in their best age who are ready to have a good time. Around midnight they will be already warmed up, a little drunk and trough the environment, sexually aroused and ready to be seduced.

[thumbsup] It can be fun, if you like the music, came with the right people and it’s not overcrowded. So when you go home with empty hands, you still had a great night.

[thumbsdown] All points that I just mentioned are also used by her as an excuse to “have fun” and enjoy herself. The next morning these excuses are gone and so should you. The chance that she regrets her actions is pretty high. No girl wants to be seen as easy, but sometimes things happen too quickly. Her fear is big that if she ends in a relationship with you, she can’t be this innocent little girl that you care for.

[thumbsdown] There are also a lot of negative aspects of the nightlife, which often make it hard to even talk to a girl. Most clubs are overcrowded, too loud and hectic to have a normal conversation. Drunken girls who act like kids and the not so attractive, envious friends who try to cock-block you, are making it even worse.

[thumbsdown] She looks much better than in day-light. Lots of makeup, dimmed light and sexy outfits give a false impression of her real beauty.

[thumbsdown] It’s weird to go out alone. You need friends with the same taste in music to go there. If you are not a student, there are only Saturdays and maybe Fridays to improve your social skills in the nightlife environment.

[thumbsdown] Girls are much more arrogant than in real life situations. She gets hit on all the time; every guy looks at her like a juicy piece of meat, so she starts to build a shield of arrogance. High heels and the fact that she looks better than every other day of the week makes her feel above everyone else.

Conclusion: The nightlife is the ideal place for young, extroverted, high-energy guys, who want to get drunk and just have fun. But if you are looking for a girlfriend, this is the wrong place. The effort of getting ready, driving there, paying for the taxi, entrance, drinks and all the time that it takes is not worth it.

2.2. During the Daytime

About ten years ago more and more guys started to approach women during the daytime. This can be done anywhere, in coffee shops, grocery stores, malls, parks, bus, train, street… The way you approach is very different from the other types; it has some big benefits, but also downsides.

[thumbsup] Girls don’t get approached during the day very often, it’s much more popular than it was ten years ago, but it’s still something that only very few guys are doing. This means, first of all, unlike in bars and clubs, she doesn’t expect it. You will catch her off-guard, and this incident will last much longer in her memory than a bar-flirt.

[thumbsup] Having a conversation during the day feels incredibly real and honest.

[thumbsup] Biggest variety of girls because everyone has to leave the house sometimes. This means there is a good chance to meet a high-quality girl and you can see how pretty she looks in the daylight.

[thumbsdown] Takes a huge amount of confidence and commitment to every single approach. You’ll spend a lot of time practicing until you’re able to get a girlfriend.

[thumbsdown] You’ll need good weather, a big city and a lot of time until you find potential mates.

[thumbsdown] Many girls are in a rush because they have limited time. The shops are closing, and you are standing between them and their haul. It feels kind of wrong to approach random girls because it’s something we aren’t used to doing and we also don’t see other people doing it.

[thumbsdown] Leaving a lasting impression also has its downsides. Rejections are part of the game, and those girls will keep this incident in their head for a long time. When I accompany a friend of mine, who does this regularly, there are at least two in ten girls who say something like “that guy approached me too” when they see him talking to a new girl. We are living in a city with a few million inhabitants, now imagine doing this in a small town.

[thumbsdown] Rejections feel more real and honest too. You will act weird in the begging, and a lot of girls who aren’t used to this type of approach will also act very weird. Getting rejected in the daytime can sometimes feel brutal, and you need a good backbone that you don’t take it personally.

Conclusion: Daygame is still one of the best ways to find a girlfriend, but it takes a lot of balls and practice. If this is the way you prefer, you have to see it as a long-time goal and bring a lot of motivation. I recommend you to practice in other areas until you gained enough experience and social skills.

3. Online Dating

Around the year 2000, online dating revolutionized the way people meet their partner. What first was known as a place for desperate singles has slowly become more and more popular. The idea of finding single women without a lot of effort seems to be exactly what most people were looking for. No matter if it’s a dating site or app like Tinder, online dating has some significant benefits when it comes to finding a girlfriend.

[thumbsup] It’s comfortable. You don’t even have to leave the house until she agrees to date you. You can do it while you relax on your couch, lay in your bed or sit on the toilet. It doesn’t matter where you are, when you do it or how you look.

[thumbsup] It’s fast. You can find nearly endless single girls in a short amount of time. Within an hour, you can theoretically copy and paste your message to a hundred girls just by clicking a few buttons.

[thumbsup] It’s easy. The perfect way to gain experience in dealing with attractive women. Especially for beginners and introvert guys and those, who have approach anxiety or don’t want to deal with the pain of rejection.

[thumbsup] You can become good very quickly. When you approach a girl in the offline world, you need to have a good body-language, voice tonality, eye contact, fashion sense, conversation skills and so on. In the online world, all you need to have are excellent photos and texting skills. These can be learned in just a few hours.

3.1. Dating Sites

[thumbsup] There are all kinds of online sites with a lot of filters so you can search exactly what you are looking for. However that doesn’t mean you will find it.

[thumbsdown] It’s a common practice of dating sites, that they fill their database with fake female profiles, to attract more guys to become a paying customer. When one of the popular sites, AshleyMadison got hacked, the database was a proof that nearly all female profiles were fake or inactive.

[thumbsdown] Less attractive women. Why should a beautiful woman join a dating site and even pay for it? It just doesn’t make sense, when there are so many other ways where she will be approached.

[thumbsdown] There is a cliche about online dating sites, that most members are desperate and lonely.

Conclusion: It may be great to find women over 30, but if you are looking for attractive girls below 30, dating sites are not the right place.

3.2. Tinder

Tinder has all the benefits of online dating without the downsides. The combination of a huge variety of young people and a super simple interface helped Tinder to reach the mainstream and match more people than anything else before.

[thumbsup] Girls on Tinder are much better looking than on typical dating sites. You’ll even find more hotties in half an hour on Tinder than in most nightclubs.

[thumbsup] All kinds of people are using it, even some celebrities have confirmed to use it. This gives you a great variety of many different types of women.

[thumbsup] Quick results, you instantly see who likes you back. Most girls reply immediately so you can have a real-time chat like you would in WhatsApp if you got her number the normal way.

[thumbsup] No more pain of rejections. At least you won’t notice them because you’ll never know if she even saw your profile. If she unmatches you during a conversation, she’ll be gone without notice, and you probably won’t realize it, because there are enough other girls to chat with.

[thumbsup] Girls love attention, the ego-boost is a powerful feeling, which makes them addicted to Tinder and keeps the male to the female ratio around 50:50.

[thumbsdown] The problem is that guys swipe right much more often than girls. This gives girls a much greater choice. You have to stand out to get a beautiful girlfriend.

[thumbsdown] It’s very hard to catch and keep their attention, especially when they are good looking.

Conclusion: Tinder is a promising and fast way how to find a girlfriend. However, since everyone is using it, you have to stand out in order to break out of the mass.

How to find a Girlfriend on Tinder in 3 Steps

[DropCaps letter=”1″] Attracting Girlfriend-Material. The way you present yourself in your photos is responsible for the type of girls you are going to attract. Women on tinder use to think that every guy just wants a quick hookup. However you’re different, you want more than that, which gives you a great advantage with these girls. Make sure she notices it by setting up your profile in a way that shows her, that you’re looking for something serious.

[DropCaps letter=”2″] Filtering Quality Girls. When you start getting matches, it’s time to filter out all the girls who are just wasting your time. Unfortunately, there are a lot of attention-seekers in tinder, these are using the male attention to feel better and more confident about themselves. Most likely they are not really interested in meeting up and dating someone, which is good, because you don’t want such a girlfriend anyway.

[DropCaps letter=”3″] Getting her on a Date. Once you optimize your profile, you will get matches on auto-pilot. The only thing you have to worry about is, how you transition these matches into dates. It’s exhausting to be creative and come up with interesting opening lines just to get their attention. Most girls also expect you to start and keep the conversation going. Personally, I’m too lazy for that, that’s why I tried out all kinds of lines and conversation tricks and write down the ones that worked best. Now all I need to do is copy & paste them and within a few minutes, I got her number to set up a date.

How to get out of the Friendzone

You should watch this really awesome short film about a boy who is deeply in love with his best friend, but he’s just too shy to tell her about it. Most guys will know exactly how it feels to be in a situation like this. It all starts as a friendship, until one or ideally both start to get feelings for each other. Unfortunately in most cases it stays this way and the friendship will never deveope into a relationship. I’m here to help and show you how to transition from being her best-friend into becoming her boyfriend.

1. More than Friends?

There is this one girl that you really like, maybe you have the same circle of friends or you go to the same school. The more you get to know each other, the more you seem to be compatible, have the same interests and like each other. It’s so nice talking to her, she’s different from your guy friends, she laughs so cute at your jokes and you’re staying awake at night to text with her. She trusts you, that’s why she tells you nearly everything that’s on her mind and you listen closely to it, cause you care about her. Sounds like from a romantic novel, but something is missing: You don’t kiss her, maybe you cuddle a little bit but everything beyond that is a non-verbal taboo, at least you think that. You are too scared to try it out, because the uncertainty that you might loose her is holding you back.

Relationship = Friendship + Sex + EA + V (explained below)

At first it doesn’t bother you that much, because you already enjoy the time with her. You feel that there is more, she’s not just a friend, she’s even more than your best friend, you think way to much about her and you start to feel butterflies when you see her. Maybe that was clear to you since the first day, maybe you still don’t want to be honest to yourself, because you fear that it’s not right… but you got a crush on her! The moment when this gets totally clear was when she starts talking about this guy that is hitting on her, your alarm clocks start to ring and when she told you he’s kind of cute, you get this sick feeling in your stomach, cause your jealous about him. Why is he cute? Your so nice to her, your the perfect boyfriend for her! Why doesn’t she see that?

2. Friendship to Relationship

A great friendship and a relationship are so close together and still sometimes so far away. It’s proven that the most stable relationships have either started as a friendship or a friendship started within the relationship. To perform a great transition, we need to find out what exactly is missing in a friendship to call it relationship:

True Friendship:

  • You trust each other, tell secrets, talk about everything
  • You love to communicate faithfully with each other
  • You respect each other, value their opinion
  • You have similar interests
  • You are accepting each other’s flaws
  • You stick together through the good and bad times

Most of the values which make a relationship stable and healthy are already included in a friendship. Having a girlfriend, who was your best friend before is a very good sign that the relationship will last a long time. Let’s have a closer look. These are all things which create a emotional intimacy, but what’s missing to call her your girlfriend is the physical intimacy. To make that happen you need to feel physical attraction for each other. Physical attraction, especially for us men, is mostly triggered trough an attractive, cultivated, physical appearance. For women it’s a little more complex.

What does + EA mean?

If two people are physical attracted and have emotional intimacy it’s more than enough to have sex and a relationship. But what about “Friends with Benefits”? Why are they not in a relationship, what is missing there? They got both of it, but something is still missing. If you watched the movies “No Strings Attached” and “Friends with Benefits” carefully you noticed that something between them changed. From the beginning when they were friends who have sex to the point when they noticed, it’s more than that, they need to be together.

It’s the emotional attraction! You can be emotional intimate and also physical attracted, but these butterflies in your stomach and the feeling that your in love comes from Emotional Attraction (EA).

What does + V mean?

It doesn’t happen often, but when i start analyzing a topic i need to make it complete. In some rare cases even if all of the above is given, physical, emotional attraction and intimacy, there is sometimes a reasons why people still can’t or won’t start a relationship. This counts mostly for people between 18 and 30, who have a lot of options and at the same time are old enough to know their own values. Teenagers under 18 often don’t really know what’s important for them in a relationship. They start a relationship just by listening to their emotions instead of their rational mind. At the age of 18 many have gained some relationship experience and saw how different it can be with each partner. They learned the importance of values. However I said until 30 because at that age most people realize that there is no perfect partner, everyone has their flaws. So the time between 18 and 30 is where girls are searching for Mr. Right.

Even if they have strong feelings, some woman are still partly rational guided and some of their important values (V) will prevent them from being in a relationship with a certain men. To make some examples of values that could prevent her from being in a relationship:

  • she has different cultural background
  • she is very close to her parents who want someone else
  • she wants to have kids as soon as possible and at least four
  • she wants a guy who has a higher financial income
  • she wants a guy who has a better education than herself
  • she has slept with too many guys and you want a virgin as girlfriend
  • she wants to stay in her home town and live in her parents house
  • You want to travel the world and maybe live in another country

It’s much better to have mostly the same values about relationship, because if it’s an important value, even if you or her feelings convince her, it will stay as a thorn in her flesh and cause trouble in rough times. I always wanted a virgin as girlfriend, it was an important value for me, but my first one had 5 ex-boyfriends. When we started to see each other and she told me about it, I was sure to never end up in a relationship with her. Over the next weeks i was more and more attracted until I finally asked her to be my girlfriend. First it went well, but after the next months, when the first butterflies were gone I noticed that I couldn’t love her the way I should. There was something why I couldn’t respect and value her as much as I should. It was my value, the fact that she had more sexual partners than me and she couldn’t do anything about that.

3. Escaping Friendzone

Now you know the differences and what’s missing between you and your best friend, to call her your girlfriend. To make it easier for you, i created a step by step guide to make her your girlfriend:

Read: => How to Escape the Friendzone